What's your sign...

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

To quote Salmon, "FUCK THEM ALL!"

Bring it on Mother Fucker!! I will fuck your shit UP!




I'm in a really bad, fucking mood. Yes. That about sums it up. And now, you lucky readers, I am going to take it out on you!

It has not been a good day. I woke up. That was my mistake. I should have just stayed the fuck in bed and called into life sick. I woke up to some kids (and kids will be kids) having ketchuped my car. I actually think it's pretty funny but still, just more work to do.

Breakfast was ok. Then I got online and started talking to a couple of buddies. One of them had said something that hurt my feelings. I then became clipped and short and essentially told them they sucked. Which I really didn't want to do but they kept pushing. "What's wrong? What's wrong?" Let me tell you something about me. If I tell you to drop it, FUCKING DROP IT! Otherwise I am likely to tell you all about you and I guaran-damn-tee you do NOT want to hear it. Well they pushed. I told them. Now there is tension. FUCK!

Today, I had a meeting to go to. For those of you who know me, it was about the Fucktards. I was getting ready and to cheer myself up, I decided to put on earrings. So the clasp wouldn't close, I pressed harder and the thing stabbed me and drew blood. FUCK ME!!! I was sooooo angry! I was ready to break shit. I hate it when that kind of shit happens. Arrrrrrrrrgh!!! Me: stomping, yelling, arms flailing...

So I leave to go to the meeting. Plugging in the iPod, I put on my, "Angry Music" list. Basically any song where someone is angry, or is saying the word Fuck. I arrive at the place in a MUCH better mood. Thank God. But my day has been so bad I am sure the meeting will go just as bad. Surprisingly, is doesn't. Yay me! Ok. So I head down to the car. Make a few phone calls to interested parties give them the skinny. Throw the car into reverse, back up, put it in drive, and....nothing it won't move. Put it back in reverse, back into drive...nothing. Hit the gas, nothing but rpms. It's like I'm in Neutral. MOTHER FUCKER!!! I back up some more hoping to help the car figure out this is wrong, put it back in to drive. Revs! FUUUUUUUUUUCK!! At this point, I am blocking a mini van and am so close to it, I can't back up out of the way. What is left to do? I open the door and try to get out, but I am so close to the minivan I can't get the door open enough to get out. I had to take off my shoe to even get my foot out! Which I do and sort of skateboard the car out of the way until I can get the door all the way open and push the car out of the way...mostly. I try every thing I can think of. I turn the car off, sit, turn it back on, won't go into gear. No matter what I do. AND!!!! My food hurts!!!

I make a phone call, "Any suggestions on how to get the car to go forward?" I am given all the same options I have already tried. Time to call the auto people to have me towed to the dealership. I have not mentioned the car has been doing this, but usually gives up on it's tantrum and goes. We take it to said dealership and they say, "We don't know...won't do it for us." More fucktards. (Thank you so much Kriss for that word!) Anyway, I call them give them the vital info "Ok we will call the towing company and call you back to let you know when they will be there." Great. I make a phone call to nicbrother and rant like the bitch I am deep down inside. "I HATE EVERYONE!!" I say to him. "Awww, nicbeast, I call that Thursday and Friday...but wait it's only Tuesday...That's bad." Ok that made me laugh. Goooooood nicbrother...gooooooooood. It's been about 15 minutes, no call. I hang up with nicbrother and call the auto people back. "You were gonna call me and tell me when someone would be here..."
"Oh. Ok hold on." I do........a long time......waiting.....waiting....ok finally. "Ok they said someone would be there in an hour and that was 15 minutes ago. I look at the clock. 3:45. Ok. Fine. Calls are made to the dealership, we have a 5:00 apt. but we can show up anytime after as long as it's before 6. Fine. Great. Whatever. I sit in the car with my book, thank GOD I brought the book and wait.

4:30 rolls along and no one has shown. What the fuck? I call the auto people again. "Oh gee the guy couldn't find you and you didn't answer your phone."
"I have been sitting here it never rang. What number did you call?"
"123-465-7890."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" YOU MORON!!! "You transposed the numbers!!!! It's 123-456-7890."
"Oh ok hold on." So I hold....and hold.....and hold.....and hold...."OK ma'am. The tow will be there within the next hour."
"WHAT!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I don't mean to be a bitch but I need to get the car to the dealership before 6!!!"
"The tow will be there in an hour." FINE WHATEVER. I miss rotary phones. I SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wanted to slam the phone down with that satisfying bang and ring! Instead I yell loudly in my car. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! More fucktards!

I make another phone call. "WHAT DO YOU FUCKING SUPPOSE WE DO NOW!! WHERE DO I HAVE THE GOD DAMNED CAR TOWED NOW!! THE DEALERSHIP WILL BE CLOSED BEFORE I GET THERE!!!"
"Calm down."
Fire shoots out of my eyes and nose! "FINE!!"
"I'll be there in 15 minutes."
I look at the clock, 5:11. "OK." We hang up.

The phone rings it's the tow guy. He'll be there as soon as he can. He is sorry they gave him the wrong number. Yes ok fine whatever.

15 minutes later....

There is a knock on my window that scares the living shit out of me. Ok it's just the man. Ok. I open the door. "I hate this car. I want to sell it."
"Why?"
"BECUASE IT SUCKS!!"
"This has only happened to you once."
"I don't care. Sell it! Crush it into a little box!"
He pets the car, "She didn't mean it."
Me: Pfffffffffft!

The man gets on the phone and calls the auto people and asks them what they are doing and if they are incompetent. (heh.)

6:10....

Tow guy shows up. He is nice, helpful and deserves cookies. He takes my car and promises to take it to the dealership. I hope he is not a thief...

The night ended with an almost 2 hour train ride home. We got into town at 7:49, ran to go vote and then dinner at a local chain restraunt where the first thing I do is order an Appletini. (Thanks WFW)



CALL ME BUTTER, I'M ON A ROLL!!!

Now, I have a few words to say about the holidays...

They make me grumpy!! I know there is supposed to be all this good will and love and blah blah blah but I think a lot of it is bullshit. I think most of it is about jocking for position. People plan for holidays who will be where and when and all. I think it is a power play. I don't think they really CARE where the holiday is spent, it is just about someONE wanting to tell people what to do where to go and when. If people actually cared about their loved ones, they would say things like, "How is you life right now? Would it be easier if we came to you or you came to us? Or do you have any better ideas?" But no they just call you and say meet at so and so's house and bring the side dishes! I know the ones who are sincere and I know who is just trying to be the "Alpha". Well fuck them all! This year I AM THE GOD DAMN ALPHA! WE WILL DO WHAT THE HELL I. SAY. DO! Fucking Deal With It!

Try it! Just try it, fucker! I dare you!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Geeeezzzz. You definitely should have stayed in bed thats for sure.
It sounds like you had one of those alfred hitchcock days...dodododododododododod LOL
Days of the twilight zone.
Kudos to the colourful language, it made me feel right at home in your blog LOL.
Lets hope you never have another day like that again...but then again, days like those make for very interesting blog entries LOL.
Take care and make sure you kick that car!!!! LOL

C. Van Steen said...

Mercy... Vicodin anyone!

nicbeast said...

anon: I sooooo did!

cvan: yes please...