It's that time of year again.

I hate this time of year. You know, birthday time. It scares me. I've said before, my birthdays tend to be bad. I remember when they used to be fun and good and then around, oh I don't know '95 they started to go down hill. The first bad one being everyone forgot. I was Molly Ringwald. It was awful. Only I didn't get the cute guy at the end. Since then I can probably count the number of good birthday's I've had on one hand. You know the ones that leave you feeling happy for a couple days. Now I just hope for not bad and I'm ahead of the game.

Well, I was getting excited about this year. Family coming out, all taking a road trip to have a party and bam. That's what I get for getting my hopes up. I guess there is still time for things to get better, but it's like, now it's already tainted. I know I'm quick to emotion and probaby it's not that bad but I do feel bad. Very bad. So what to do...

I guess use the power of positive thinking. Believe it will be ok, keep saying it will be ok and it will. I can give it a try, but at this point I don't have much faith in it. I surely would do what ever it took to make things better, but I don't know what that is and no one is offering the answer. It's one of those times where you can't seem to do anything right.

So, I'll try to keep from slipping into that dark room again, but I feel its pull. Maybe it's a push. All the things going on in my life that I juggle start to get heavy and weigh me down. People look at me or talk with me and say things like, "Geeze you're going through so much." What choice do I have. I tell people, "If I stop to think about it, I'd curl up fetal and drool." These past couple of days I feel like doing just that.