TO THE MAN

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!

Song Dedication

This is for, well, you know who you are.

Cochise
Audioslave

Well I been watchin
While you been coughin
Ive been drinking life
While you been nausous
And so I drink to health
While you kill yourself
And I got just one thing
That I can offer

Go and save yourself
Take it out on me
Go and and save yourself
Take it out on me yea

Well Im not a martyr
Im not a prophet
And I wont preach to you
But heres a caution
You better understand
That I wont hold your hand
But if it helps you mend
Then I wont stop it

Go and save yourself
Take it out on me
Go and save yourself
Take it out on me
Go and save yourself
Take it out on me
Go and save yourself
Take it out on me yea

Go if you want
And I'll see you in the bottom
Where you crawl
On my skin
And put the blame on me
So you dont feel a thing

Go and save yourself
Take it out on me
Go and save yourself
Take it out on me
Go and save yourself
Take it out on me
Go and save yourself
Take it out on me yea

And a poem, just for good measure.

Instructions
Cole Goodwin


Beat, Strike, Thrash, Pound
Until I am subdued and fetal

Consume, Deplete, Siphon, Drain
Until I am nearly empty

Wait, Linger, Stay, Terry
Until I am replenished

Start again at the beginning.

I'm a Selfish Bitch

There must be something in pattern of the people I pick as friends. A majority of them surprise me in their response to my moods. I don’t know if I’m really selfish, which I don’t feel I am, or I am really needy, which, I have to admit wouldn’t surprise me with all that’s going on in my life right now. But, it seems that I am not allowed to have a bad day. If I do, people seem put out by it, like it inconveniences them. Inside I want to scream, “IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU!” I have needs. I have bad days. I’m sorry I can’t attend to your wants right now, but I have to take care of my self for a minute. I’m sorry if I’m slow to understand what you’re saying, I realize I’m not the brightest bulb in the pack, but I am trying to process a lot of information. I admit to not being at my best at the moment, but can you cut me a break, I’m doing the best I can. But, I’ll say nothing. Which is wrong I know. Maybe I’ll say something later when I’m not so upset and hurt, then again maybe not.


UPDATE:

Not only am I a selfish bitch, but I am also a liar. Am I lying about being a selfish bitch. I don't think so, but maybe I'm pathological. And people wonder why drug companies make antidepressants.

That will teach me to get my hopes up and allow myself to feel a little happiness. It's just not allowed apparently.

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Damnit!

Broken



Crack my eggshell heart on the spine of a book
Watch the bruised and scarred memories spill out in the light of day
Over the pages and into a cracked life
Pain hidden in the dark and under pressure
The book’s words demand their due

The debt is paid with vials of blood
Syringes of synthetic life
Aspirated hope
Inconsolable tears and unfathomable grief
All shed from denial of instinctual needs

Close the pages and return to lying
My world is ok, my soul is happy
Sweep the crimson mess under the smile
Return the empty shell to my chest.

Stupid books up heaving your perfectly manicured emotions.

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Gauisus Fucking Natalis

11 days and counting... *sigh*

*looks for cover*

Happy New Year!!!!

I've been doing some thinking today. About what you ask? Well, I'll tell you. About the upcoming year. When I was 13 years old, I made a New Year's Resolution to never make another New Year's Resolution. It's the only one I have ever kept. EVER.

I think Resolution is too strong a word; too absolute. It's like the difference between Idea and Belief. You can change an idea, but it's harder to change a belief. (Yes I know I stole that...back off!)

Sometimes life gets in the way of resolutions. Then, at the end of the year when you look back at your life, you have a feeling of failure when you didn't keep your resolutions. Who needs that? Life is hard enough as it is.

So I propose, instead of a New Year's Resolution, to have a New Year's Hope. What do you think? I'll get you started, here are a few of my hopes for the upcoming year, in no particular order.

• I hope to improve my overall health. (Look at those abs...mercy)
  

• I hope to get rid of some particular medical issues.
• I hope other medical endeavors stick around.
• I hope to get more organized. (Stop laughing!)

• I hope to better manage my time. (I SAID stop LAUGHING)

• I hope to be more creative.

• I hope to not have to find another job, but if I do, it's one I will enjoy.
• I hope justice prevails. (Fucktards)
  
• I hope my friends and family are happy and healthy.
• I hope to meet more of my online friends, and see the others I have met again.

• I hope to meet Wentworth Miller. (You knew that would be in there!)

• I'd like to get better at knitting and crocheting.

• I would like to go back to school.

Ok, so that's a lot, but what does it matter? The weren't resolutions, just hopes and wishes.

So, what are your hopes and wishes? Leave me a comment!

One last one. I hope and wish the new year bring you all your hopes and wishes.

I'm Moving!!!

Yes, it's true. Upon my visit to England, I have decided to move there, despite the unbelievable cold! The Aunt & Uncle took me around and I am happy to say, I have found a place.






Isn't it beautiful!!! I love it! It's old. Very old. The first parts of it were built around 1070, but the previous owners took very good care of it.


In 1992 it suffered severe damage in a fire, which destroyed some of the most historic parts of the building. Over the next few years it was fully repaired at great expense. but as I told you the previous owners took good care of it.
Now it's as good as new...well as new as a 900+ year old house can be. Oh, and this should make nic-mother happy. Since I won't drag my heathen ass to church, I brought a church to my heathen ass. It has it's own chapel. St. George something. Cool eh?
I am also glad to say it comes completely furnished. I would hate to have to move in with no furniture. Here are some pics of some of my new stuff.

This is the vestibule.

This is the Crimson Room.

Here is a picture of some of the silver and one of the staff. Finally. I have staff!

This is the Audience Chamber. (You know you're jealous you don't have one!)

So, anytime your in Windsor and want to stop by...don't. The only person who is allowed to pop by is...



So, like I said, if you want to stop by, don't. You won't be allowed in. The place comes complete with guards. So I suggest you don't try it or...

...Nigel here will

KICK. YOUR. ASS!


Cheers!